Practice really, really loving the people close to you in life– your parents, siblings, neighbors, and friends.
It’s crazy how the people we love most in life can also get under our skin the most. Right? The same thing goes for marriage. So, learning to become more patient and kind and long-suffering (LOVING) before you tie the knot will make your transition into marriage go more smoothly. It will make marriage so much sweeter!
During my unmarried college years, when I was at home, I used to look for ways to love and serve my family. I would hop up and do dishes without being asked or wash and fold a load of towels. I spent time visiting a local nursing home or helping make food for people in my church.
It’s also a great time to break any unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict. This will be GOLD once you’re married. Being able to work through conflict (which pops up in the best of marriages) lovingly and maturely is very important. Learning to place yourself in the other person’s shoes, to humbly ask forgiveness when wrong, to carefully choose your words—all incredibly important.
And when better to practice sacrificial love than as a single person with the people close to you in life?!
Become the kind of spouse you are seeking.
Want a spouse who is honest, faithful, and true? Be those things yourself. Want a spouse who is thoughtful and considerate of others? Be thoughtful and considerate. Want a spouse who is dedicated to the Lord? Be dedicated to the Lord yourself. Want a spouse who is hard working and good with money? Learn to manage your own money and be diligent.
I am more convinced than ever that like attracts like, more than opposites attract.
So, if you want an unfaithful, dishonest, and lazy spouse. Just be those things.
I challenge you to write a solid list of all the character qualities you are looking for in a spouse (for those of us who are married, we can also make a list of things we’d love to see in our own spouse!). And then decide to become those things.
I think doing this gives us a little humility too. Because none of us can perfectly live up to our ideals. And at the same time it will help us move in a direction where we are more likely to attract the kind of spouse we desire.
Don’t be afraid to let people know you’re looking for a spouse.
I think many times as singles we are afraid to put ourself out there—to let guys or gals know we’re interested in dating and marriage. (Chistian women especially, who may be waiting for the guy to take the lead). Often, I think at the root of this is FEAR—fear of rejection, fear of things not working out as planned, fear of commitment.
I am totally an old fashioned gal and all about following a godly man. It really is pretty dang awesome (most of the time;) and totally sexy! But guys are human and they have fear too. Putting out a clear signal that you are looking to find a mate is a more than okay thing—it’s a great thing to do—for men and women.
Ask the people you know to help! You may have friends or family who have a connection to someone who would be a good fit. Brance and I are always joking that we had an arranged marriage and that my parents fell in love with Brance before I did. Looking back, I am so glad other people (my parents and dear friends at church) worked to bring us together.
The worst thing that can happen when you let people know you’re looking for a spouse is that that you may discover someone you’re interested in isn’t interested. But, how much better simply knowing and being able to move on, rather than waiting and hoping for something that was never going to happen.
And you never know! Putting yourself out there increases your odds of finding your spouse.
Pray for your future spouse.
As a Christian, I think this one is very important. It is something I did and I am SO glad!
Long before I knew Brance existed, I often wondered who my spouse would be and what he would be like. During those years, a popular Christian artist had a song about waiting for her spouse where she sang asking this unknown person to “wait for me as I wait for you”. After hearing this song, I felt inspired to pray for my future spouse.
Praying for my future spouse not only was a way to love him before I knew him, it did a lot in MY own heart and soul. It helped me surrender to God’s perfect timing and plan—something that we need to continue to do throughout life. There is always something to wait for!
Through prayer, I was learning to wait on God while I waited for my spouse.
If you’re single and want to be married, I hope you’ll consider these four things. And as always, you are welcome to reach out to me in the comments or on the contact page. I will prayerfully respond the best I can!
p.s. I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about and writing articles. If you found this one helpful, would you please consider sharing it with others? Thank you!