I read somewhere once that when you experience hurt and rejection you undergo emotional pain. And every time you recall that experience you relive that emotional pain anew – like it is happening for the first time.
I would believe that.
Many of you have probably experienced this at some point. Maybe you are now and it is making life really difficult for you. Miserable even. It is a terrible cycle to be caught in.
The things that cause us emotional pain
It may be the cumulative little things that are filling your life with pain – the exclusion, the hurtful comment, the thoughtless action. Or maybe it’s something big and looming in your world, threatening to crush you emotionally. Something on the level of a breakup or divorce.
I have learned something that has helped
I started doing something years ago that has helped me overcome the pain of hurt and rejection like you wouldn’t believe. Actually it is two little things I do in tandem. They may seem small, but they have had the power to stop the damaging effects of emotional pain in my life – that if left unchecked can lead to bitterness, anger, and resentment. They have helped me to move on, really truly.
When I am offended I do these two little things
The first thing I do may surprise you. I actually wish the person or persons who harmed me well, usually just in my thoughts. This can be a difficult thing to will at first, especially when an offense is fresh. But over time it really does become easier.
Instead of hoping and wishing for revenge. Desiring that their life would fall apart. Or that all of their unkind words would be multiplied and poured on their own head. Or that they would be left at the altar if they fall in love with someone new. Instead of all that, “fun” maybe, but destructive thinking – thinking that just leads to reliving the pain again and again – I hope the best for the person.
And not in a dishonest and cheesy kind of way. In a genuine and true kind of way. The best that I can muster up in the moment.
For me, this often involves saying a short little prayer (a couple of sentences), asking that their life go in a good direction. And that is it. Wishing them well shouldn’t be something you meditate on for hours, or even minutes. It should really just take a couple of seconds. It works best this way.
The second thing I do
Then I look for something to be thankful for in the situation. Anything will do, as long as it isn’t spiteful. And again, this only takes a few seconds and is usually something I simply do in my thoughts (I certainly don’t tell the other person).
For example, I had a friend I considered a dear friend walk out of my life a couple of years back. Door closed, end of story. It took me by surprise, as I had invested so much in this friendship – loving and caring for this person with my time, energy, resources, and emotion. And I thought she felt the same way about me.
But when she left she was completely and totally emotionally out and to push for another chance, a continued relationship, would have been foolish on my part. To say this hurt a little would be an understatement.
But there is always, always something to be thankful for in every situation. In this situation, where I felt betrayed by someone I thought was a friend, I decided to be thankful that with the ending of one friendship, my life was more open for new friendships. I decided to be thankful that God was closing doors in my life that, for a reason unknown to me, needed to be closed.
After I express thankfulness for something in the situation, or something the hurt or rejection is teaching me. I end by expressing thankfulness for something in my life completely unrelated. This helps move my thoughts from the hurt and rejection to something new.
This little trick really works!
This little trick takes seconds, yet it is incredibly powerful. I’m telling you. Do this in your life and watch out! Those chains of hurt and bitterness and anger, that have such a destructive impact on your life, will be broken. The pain that you couldn’t seem to shake will disappear.
The important thing, though, is that you use this trick every, single time the hurt and rejection resurfaces in your thoughts. Depending on the source of the emotional pain, one time may be enough or it could take multiple times. But my experience is that it always eventually works. Ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, spiteful co-workers or family – nothing is too difficult.
And one day, before you know it, you will realize that it has been days or weeks or months since you thought about that situation, since you have felt the associated emotional pain. No hurt. No bitterness. No anger. And that you really do deep down hope that person is well. And then your thoughts easily and freely move on to something else.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you Subscribe here for free and receive your FREE eBook “1 Week to a Happier You”. It also automatically enters you for all A Life Enjoyed giveaways, the weekly newsletter, and much more. Start enjoying life even more today!